school Archives - Joyful Pediatrics

School has started back up and routines have set in. Except for one thing — your child is struggling at school

Perhaps they are getting into trouble. Maybe they are coming home telling you that someone is picking on them. Or this is now the third failing grade in a row!

The concerns your child shares with you are important, but they are often only a part of the story. As parents, we are not in the classroom each day experiencing the same thing as our children. It is important to validate their concerns, but also understand the broader context. This is where emailing your child’s teacher may be helpful.

As a career educator for over two decades, serving in numerous roles, I am no stranger to parent emails. On the flip side, as a parent, I have been on the sending side of teacher emails. When an email is sent to the school, it’s important to remember some tips to make the communication productive and in partnership.

Here are 5 things to keep in mind:

Email the teacher first: As a principal, I often received emails from upset parents about something that happened in their child’s classroom. My first question is always “Have you reached out to the teacher?” While I am eager to help resolve issues, the teacher is more likely to know the situation’s context, history, and resolution. Always reach out to the teacher first. If the problem is not addressed or if you do not receive a response, then it might be appropriate to follow-up with the administrator.
Focus on your child: If you have a concern about something that happened to your child, focus on your child. Educators are bound by laws that do not allow us to discuss other students, so we can only discuss your child with you. In addition, avoid phrases like “all the parents were talking” or “the entire class.” If you do know of other parents who have a similar concern, encourage them to reach out to the teacher as well.
Strive for partnership: The school-home relationship is important, and working alongside your child’s teacher for a solution to a problem is important. The first solution may not always be the final answer, but working together to experiment and provide feedback is helpful in the process. This approach also shows the child a positive relationship between the teacher and parent, which is helpful in the child’s perception of the learning environment.
Allow time to respond: While parents may have the ability to send an email during the workday, teachers are typically not able to respond to emails or messages until after school or the next day. Allow at least 48 hours before following up with the teacher.
Stick to facts: When we feel like our child has been hurt or a victim, emotions can run strong. When communicating with your child’s school, stick to the facts of the situation. Avoid threatening or opinionated verbiage that takes the focus away from what occurred. Resolution can come quicker and clearer this way. For example, instead of “my son says you yelled at him unfairly,” try “my son came home upset and said you told him to sit down during an activity.”

The most important thing to remember is that both parents and educators are fighting for the same thing: the best interest of the child. Clear and respectful communication when a problem arises fixes issues faster and makes for a more positive experience for all!

Stress at school can show up in kids as stomach aches, sleep trouble, and outbursts. Your child’s pediatrician can serve as a helpful guide during this. At Joyful Pediatrics, we have the ability to help guide your family from both the medical and educational perspectives.

We’ve heard those three words from hundreds of kids.

We’ve heard them in a principal’s office.
We’ve heard them whispered in a hallway.
We’ve heard them said with tears.
We’ve heard them said with crossed arms and defiance.

And we’ve heard them at our own kitchen table.

When your child says, “I hate school,” it hits you in the gut. Especially if you value education. Especially if you loved school. Especially if you’ve built your life around it.

Your first instinct might be to correct them.

“You don’t hate school.”
“School is important.”
“You have to go.”
“You’ll understand one day.”

But here’s what we’ve learned — as a principal, a pediatrician, and as parents:

When a child says they hate school, they’re almost never talking about school.

They’re talking about something underneath it.

The Third-Grade Breakdown

I (Adam) remember a third grader who landed in my office one morning refusing to go back to class. Arms folded. Backpack still on. Absolute shutdown mode.

“I hate school,” he said.

Now, this was a kid who had loved school the year before. So I didn’t argue. I didn’t convince. I just asked, “What happened?”

After a long pause, he said, “I’m bad at reading out loud. Everyone knows.”

There it was.

He didn’t hate school.
He hated feeling exposed.
He hated feeling behind.
He hated that pit in his stomach when his name was called.

When we slowed down and unpacked it, we were able to put supports in place. Extra reading practice. A heads-up before he had to read aloud. A teacher who quietly built his confidence instead of putting him on the spot.

Two months later? Different kid.

The words “I hate school” were really code for “I feel small.”

Sometimes It’s Not Academic

Other times, it has nothing to do with grades.

A middle schooler once told me (Jaclyn) she hated school. After some gentle conversation, it came out that she had no one to sit with at lunch.

That’s it.

Academically strong.
Athletically involved.
But lonely.

For kids, social pain is school pain. If it hurts in the cafeteria, it hurts everywhere.

What Not to Do

Let us say this clearly:

Don’t minimize it.

Even if it feels dramatic.
Even if it feels temporary.
Even if you think they’ll “get over it.”

When a child says they hate school, they’re trusting you with a feeling. If we dismiss it too quickly, they stop bringing us the hard stuff.

And we want the hard stuff.

What To Do Instead

1. Get Curious Before You Get Corrective

Instead of responding with logic, respond with curiosity.

“Tell me more.”
“What’s making it feel that way?”
“When did you start feeling this?”

You’re not interrogating. You’re inviting.

Most kids don’t have the language to articulate what’s wrong immediately. You may need a car ride. A walk. A bedtime conversation in the dark.

Patience beats pressure.

2. Look for Patterns

Is it every day? Or just Sundays?
Is it one subject? One teacher? One peer?
Did it start after a specific event?

Hate is often situational.

When you find the pattern, you find the lever.

3. Partner With the School — Don’t Weaponize It

As a former principal, I can tell you: educators want to know.

But how you approach them matters.

Instead of:
“My child hates your class.”

Try:
“My child has been struggling and I’d love to work together to figure out what’s going on.”

That posture changes everything. Now it’s not parent vs. teacher. It’s adults aligned around a child.

4. Separate “Hard” From “Harmful”

Sometimes school is hard.
Sometimes it’s uncomfortable.
Sometimes growth feels frustrating.

That’s normal.

But harmful is different.

If your child feels unsafe, persistently targeted, humiliated, or anxious to the point of physical symptoms — that’s not just “school is hard.” That deserves immediate attention.

As parents, we have to discern the difference.

5. Teach Them Language

One of the most powerful things we can do is help kids refine their feelings.

Instead of “I hate school,” maybe it becomes:

“Math feels overwhelming.”
“I feel nervous during presentations.”
“I don’t feel included at lunch.”
“I’m bored.”

Clarity creates solutions.
Vagueness creates helplessness.

A Word to Parents Who Loved School

If you were a kid who thrived in school, this can be especially confusing. You might think:

How can you hate school? It’s full of opportunity.

But your child isn’t you.

Different wiring.
Different strengths.
Different social dynamics.
Different era.

Our job isn’t to recreate our childhood experience for them. It’s to help them navigate theirs.

The Long Game

Here’s the hopeful part:

Very few kids truly hate school long-term.

What they hate is a season.
A situation.
A struggle.

When we slow down, listen deeply, and partner wisely, those seasons usually pass.

And sometimes, the very thing they once said they hated becomes the place they find confidence.

I’ve seen it happen.

Over and over.

So when your child says, “I hate school,” don’t panic.

Lean in.

There’s a story underneath those words.

And if you’re patient enough to uncover it, you just might help them rewrite it.

Tag Archive for: school

5 Tips for Emailing Your Child’s Teacher